Beauty from Ashes

   

                                                                      

The Birthing

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           I felt so many different emotions at once, which would become a forerunner of the grief I would experience for years to come. Unable to process that my husband was no longer on this side of heaven, amongst the sadness, anger, confusion, pain and disbelief, I still had a glimmer of hope and faith that a miracle could take place in spite of what was pronounced. What I didn’t know was that the Lord would solidify the residency of my husband, without the miracle on earth that I had longed for.

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            It was only 1.5 years prior to my husband's DOD that he and I had said "I do", after 11 years of friendship. I didn’t know that after we exchanged vows: for better or worse, richer or poor, sickness and in health, that the face value of my promises made to my husband before God would reach maturity so quickly. Some months into our marriage, after being wrongfully terminated from my employer, I would become the primary caretaker of my husband who was diagnosed with Cirrhosis of the Liver. Though the anger of losing income was prevalent, it was the Lords grace that actually provided me with more time to spend with the love of my life and I was honored to have had the freedom to stand by his side and attend to his needs, even until his last days.

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            Until this point in my life, I was no novice to loss, but never had I lost someone so close and experienced pain as severe as this. This grief was so embedded in me that I felt it physically as a sharp pain in my chest, like a knife lodged in my heart. I knew that only Jesus Christ was qualified to handle something so painful and that He would handle me appropriately as He lead me to a place of healing. I was confident that I could go to Him broken, and in my lack of confidence, I still gave no choice but for Him to catch me as I free fell into His arms. I desperately demanded His attention, without realizing His gaze was already set toward me.

 

            For months, day after day, I made room not only for time with the Lord, spending hours praying, worshipping, and crying, but also journaling and sharing with the Lord my raw emotions on this grief rollercoaster. In this process, one of my prayers became "God, when I don't understand your ways, help me to trust your love."

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​             I knew that I could trust His love because I have had a history of His faithfulness in past seasons, and I refused to believe that He would leave me in this state. Though doubts of God’s love flooded my mind, I can remember the scripture Romans 5:8 playing over and over in my head, combating the lies that were birthed through my sorrow. I figured, if His love was present before I was born, and while I was dead in my sin, then I can trust His love now, even in this unbearable grief. This scripture planted hope in two perspectives: One, if God loved me that much to send Jesus, before I was born, to cover my sin and give me an option of new life and eternity with Him, then His love would not stop now. Two, Jesus had to go through much suffering so that the world could be saved, so, though I didn't see how or why then, I had an expectation that God would use this pain for a greater purpose than I could ever imagine.

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               God began rebuilding me and providing for my needs physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. He opened doors of opportunities to share my story through radio broadcast, newspapers, and various speaking engagements. With my new focus on life being on valuing time and understanding that our purpose is to honor God and die empty (giving all the God given gifts/ideas back to the Lord), I became the author of my first book, 1 1/2 Years (click here to purchase) and started a clothing line called “God Is", sharing the attributes of God according to individuals’ testimonies. In this rebuilding process, the Lord began to HEAL my grief. He removed the “knife” that was lodged in my heart, and began developing a vision inside of me. 

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            As a widow with no children, the elementary state of the vision in my heart was to help those who were like me – our needs looked over because we are single with no dependents. My goal was to serve those who are widowed and orphans, by providing education, resources, and financial assistance. I wanted to be able to help prevent others from experiencing what I went through, and to shed hope that God can heal the grieving, wounded soul. This vision eventually morphed into a business that not just focuses on those who are orphaned and widowed, but also providing Hope, Healing, Restoration and Transformation for all individuals whose H.H.R.T. is broken as a result of loss, while helping to build strong Christ-Centered individuals and families, offering relevant resources and a strong community that focuses on whole health and well-being, pre and post grief.  

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              The name A Widow’s Fight was adopted as a testimony of various obstacles I had to fight through as a widow. As I pursue my goal of dying empty, and continue forward in business, it is my desire for all that I do to be used by God as instruments of hope to a lost, broken, dying world who needs to not only realize the great attributes of who God Is, but to know that there is someone who cares.

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             James 1:27 was a scripture of comfort and clarity for me: "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world."

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            You may feel overlooked, even in the church, but realize you are expressed as highly important to God. I may not know your name, but I am familiar with pain, and because of it, I go before God praying for you continually. May you be introduced to Jesus in your journey with A Widow's Fight and find strength, peace, direction and renewed hope, healing, restoration, and transformation on OUR pilgrimage to wholeness and health.  

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In His Service,

      Jessica Poche’

 

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